You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
