well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
