i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
