Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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