All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Even the bartender felt bad for me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Randomize
