ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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