he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
