Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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