Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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