i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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