My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
