remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
