I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
