John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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