Dual....:-)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
