Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
