she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
