Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
