theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This house was built for laser tag.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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