I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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