I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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