that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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