You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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