i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
