When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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