yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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