I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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