You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
