my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
