that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
