I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
