textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
