I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
