So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's never too late to be topless.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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