Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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