I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
