I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
