I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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