Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
