Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
