Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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