It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
