watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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