Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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