a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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