fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
