Three words: puerto rican gang bang
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
