The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
