with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
