whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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