I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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